||[Apr. 30th, 2010|11:42 pm]
why am i updating this? I don't know... i think i just need to vent and not have to hear what anyone has to say..
3 years ago i never would have thought i would have been through everything I have... i've seen more things in the past 2 and 1/2 years that most people will see in their entire life, am i bitter for that? yes I am... i just want to live and be happy, but every where i turn something else happens, something ends, something it's always something. Jen and Ant are splitting up, and Ant moving to FL.... Jen wants it not him and it's really hard because I do see him as my brother, hes been here through it all, and it hurts me how easy jen forgets that. I had to say good bye to him tonight and it just killed me... i'm sick of all the heart break... can't something good happen for once? I just can't take it anymore... it's not fair it's not right... i never even finished getting over my mom dying... and these things just keep happening and it's just impossible to express or explain.... i just keep going through each day.... and its getting harder and harder.... i can focus on anything my mind is everywhere... i just want to pick up and move and start over.... being here.... seeing the constant reminders from the past 2 and 1/2 years kill me each day... and yet it feels like it all happened yesterday... theres just been too much, too much bad stuff has been going on and i can't take it anymore..... i just want my mom back.... anything else is joke to go through compared to losing her................lifes just impossible.