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big girlss donttttt crrrrrrrrrrry [May. 24th, 2007|11:04 pm]
[mood |nostalgicnostalgic]
[music |fergie- big girls dont cry]

so have you ever had one of those days where NOTHING seems to go right?  i just wanan crawl up into a ball... i havent felt like this in years n' it's kinda crappy... i just don't know what to do anymore... i dont even know what i want   :(....

so today i was cleaning my room... and i found all these old pictures from like 10th grade and middle school and i was looking at them n' i just started to get all teary eyed... i really do miss a lot of the people i dont talk to anymore... and i just started thinking about really stupid that we used to do and it just made me wanna cry... i rememeber the quote "we always look back on things that made us cry and it makes us laugh... but when we look back on things that we laughed about we cry"  which is SO true lol... ah i donno why i get caught up on things i can do nothing about... if i could go back and do it all again... i would have done things so differently... but theres nothing i can do now... but only try to prevent anything like that to ever happen again... oh well

but ne way... so i graduated from suffolk lol... i feel so weird saying that lol... even tho to some people its not a big deal but to me it is because i'm the 1st person in my whole family to get some type of degree lol... its kinda cool lol

so that means i'm finallly on summer break... which is stellar... i really hope to make the most out of this summer.. even tho i say that every year and then b4 i know it , it's over... but seriously this year i gotta make the most of it... life changes so fast that i really have to learn to live in the present moment to really enjoy everything... i'm working on it tho lol... i still donno what i'm gonna do for school next semster.. i think i applied to farmingdale i lil late.. i did get in but all the good class times are probably taken... i really gotta call them :( lol

well thats all.. i just needed to veeeeeeent

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(no subject) [May. 16th, 2007|06:13 pm]
[mood |weirdweird]
[music |forever-papa roach]

So, tomorrow i take my LAST final... how excited am i? you have NO idea lol.... i should really finish my eco paper... but my thoughts are so scattered i cant finish it lol

I'm really looking forward to this summer... n' really dreading it all at the same time... is that possible? cuz i didn't think it was lol... like i have to go to kansas city, which i am NOT looking forward to at any extent... it's gonna be a weird summer... i guess the 1st week in june will really set the "pace" for the summer...

i've noticed that i focus way too much on the future that i usually forget about the present day... like most people my age are worried about this excat moment, but not me... im already on next month.. its kinda annoyingggg

so i haven't decided yet if i'm gonna go to school yet next semester :-/ i got my acceptance letter from farmingdale  lol if i didn't get accepted i think i may have cried lol... but seriously i gotta figure it out!

i really plan on doing a lot this summer...but i guess we'll just have to see what happens

back to my paper <3
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(no subject) [Apr. 24th, 2007|11:22 pm]
[mood |nostalgicnostalgic]

so i'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.  People come in and out of your life for a reason, even tho we may never truly understand what that reason is, it's still there

lately i donno what my problem is, i want so many things that it's like the counteract and cancel each other out to make me want nothing, if that makes any sense at all lol

i think i'm finally ready to pick the piece up and more on, to me, nothing is worse then trying and not getting a reaction... and i'm over it... it took me a while, but sometimes these things just slap u straight across the face lol

somethings that have happened over the past week has really gotten me thinking about my past a lot, and i dont want to relive my past at all... even the good stuff... it's in my past for a reason and ugh... things havent been good lately lol

anywho, school ends in 16 days... i can not wait for this summer.. it's gonna be amazing... and thats the truth

In the light of the sun 
Is there anyone, ohh it has begun 
O dear you look so lost 
Eyes are red and tears are shed this world you must have crossed you said 
You don’t know me, and you don't even care 
ooo yea 
You said you don't know me, and you don't wear my chains ooo yea 

Essential yet appealed 
Carry all your thoughts, across an open field 
When the flowers gaze at you 
they're not the only ones who cry when they see you 
You said you don't know me, and you don’t even care 
ooo yea 
Well you said you don't know me, and you don't wear my 
ooo yea 

She said I think I'm going to Boston 
I think I'll start a new life 
I think I'll start it over 
No one knows my name 
I'll get out of California 
I'm tired of the weather 
I think I'll get a lover 
I'll fly them out to Spain 

I think I'll go to Boston 
I think that I'm just tired 
I think I need a new town to leave this all behind 
I think I need a sun rise 
I'm tired of the sun set 
Here it's nice in the summer 
Some snow would be nice 
Ooo yea 

You don't know me 
And you don't even care 
Ooo yea 

In Boston! No one knows my name 
No one knows my name 
No one knows my name 


In Boston no one knows my name  
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you keeeeep me hangin' on [Apr. 8th, 2007|10:13 pm]
[Current Location |el computer room]
[mood |dorkydorky]
[music |kim wilde- you keep me hanging on]

sooo, whats new? nada much, same old.... on days like today when i have nothing to do (or better yet nothing that i want to do) i start thinking, and as proven in the past, when Kristine thinks, it never leds to good things lol... but i remember that i used to write in this livejournal EVERYDAY! it was like, i brushed my teeth, n' i updated everyone about it lol... now if i write in it once a month its a lot!

So this spring break was, well, interesting you could say lol... i got to see  A LOT of people i havent gotten the chance to see cuz my life is fricken insane!! ...the back window on my car got broken, it sucked, i was corollaless for like 2 days, it was def no good!  n' after that happened it kinda put a damper on my week, it just bugs the shit outta me that people suck so much, society is filled with a bunch of mindless assholes, people should think for themselves... so annoying..

so anyway, work is okay.. theres always drama there, i can't take it, the who did what when where n' why i can't take it, suck it up and move oooon, i mean dont get me wrong, i love everyone there, and they are some of the best people ever, but seriously, i'm getting too old for this shit lol

school totally ends in about 5 weeks, i'm freakin the fuck out lol... i swear if i fail economics again i'm not graduating n' dropping out of school lol... but seriously, if i do fail economics again i will not be graduating in may n' that's a nooo good lol... i decided to take the fall semester off, i need a mental break, it's really killing me tho that i have to take a break from school tho, but it is what it is!  for the past couple of weeks i've been having really bad aniexty attacks, i hate it, i used to get them a lot at the begining of high school but then it stopped, but lately, it's been pretty bad, they take so much out of you, i'm like useless for the next 24 hours after having one lol

while i'm venting lol, i can't understand why people can't make up their minds, i mean dont get me wrong, i'm a proven advocate for being confused, but i donno, and i don't like not knowing lol

the soparanos came back on tonight, i can not tell u how fricken excited i am lol, i'm dad totally thinks hes tony soparano it's really enjoyable lol

well i'm REALLY excited for this summer, i have a lot to look forward too!! the 1st week in june i'm taking vacation from work (i can not wait) and then the end of july i'll be in kananas city (joy) then aug 4th is my parents 25th anniversary party (wez gettin a liiiiiimo lol) n' i'm really excited for more parties at my house with my family, i know that sounds SO corny, but seriously, anyone who has attended a layton party knows lol, everyone is piss ass drunk its so good lol

well i'm gonna go, like always, this was so much longer than it needed to be, but i'm really bored! lol

i hope everyone had a great easter!! 

looooooove <3
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(no subject) [Mar. 22nd, 2007|02:41 pm]
[mood |chipperchipper]

sugar we're goin down swinnnnnnnnnnnnng...


another Ron visit tomorrow... cant wait... not really lol

thats all back to my homework lol
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(no subject) [Jan. 23rd, 2007|11:55 pm]
[mood |anxiousanxious]

i just wanna screaaaaaaaamm..

....really really really loud

i'm so stressed...

n' for the 1st time its technically not school or work...

i have NO idea what i want out of life... by any means... i really really love going to school... and it's killing me that i can't sit in class n' i have to take online classes... i know that sounds mad stupid.. but i like it... i like interacting... and i really miss being... well... a kid!

dont get me wrong.. i love my job... i'm learning so so so so much... but at the same time... i dont want to do it anymore... i hate being so busy... i wanna foucs on school and see what i can get out of life i really do... i'm so scared of letting people down n' failing that it's seriously killing me.. i've been having anxiety attacks like it's my job lately... i just dont know what i want out of life... i remember i used to want to be an english teacher... i wanted to do marketing.. i wanted to do so many things... but now... i want nothing... there is nothing i can see myself doing... theres nothing i think i'm specifically good at... it just sucks.. i really need to take t his summer to map out my future... b/c so so so many times people ask me "what are you future plans" n' i just think... "well....umm... yeeeeea?! i dont know" and i dont want that to be my answer any more... i'm much to driven to say that.. i know i want to be successful, but hey doesnt everybody?

i'm kinda considering going away.. but i dont think thats really an option for me... but i know me better than anyone... i think it would be a great experience but i know i would fall into things that i wouldnt want to or something like that... i just dont knnnnnnnnnoooooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwww.. i hate this i really just wanna scream lol

i know i'm not old... but i feel like every moment i waste.. is a moment further i am from being successful... i really had no time to grow up.. i went from a immature lil kid.. to what i am now... which i'm not sure what that is lol

i know i dont want to work my ass off for the rest of my life... like i am now... i want to be able to sit back and enjoy the simple things in life... like taking a vacation without worrying if it's going mess up my training plans... i really wish i knew what i know when i was a senior in high school.. i really think i would have altered my decision for school... i mean i'm glad i went to suffolk... i learned a lot... i met a lot of people.. ive had a lot of great times there, but i'm looking forward to graduating in may

i'm just so scared of everything, that sometimes i think i just forget to breathe lol.... like there are so many things that i want for myself right now... but i'm scared to get them n' then lose them.... because i think that would hurt so much more... i donno this is a stupid entry i dont even know why i'm writing in here.. i'm such a loser lol

well i'm gonna go to bed.. i have a long next few days ahead of me

woooo traininggggggggg... not so much
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2006 [Dec. 31st, 2006|01:32 pm]
[mood |okayokay]
[music |evansences]

so i've found it to be a tradition that i sum up my year in a livejournal entry for the past 6 years lol

2006-sucked lol

well i shouldnt say that, it started off pretty sweet, with the wedding, the shower, i have a ton of great memories with my family to look back on with this year, the endless parties we had at my house this year, getting my whole family completely drunk off jello shots (i think thats the best), showing my aunts n'  their boyfriends how to play beerpong, and then after teaching them, them beating us lol

but on the other hand, i learned alot this year as well, i learned what i'm capable of, i learned that i take way too much on at once

this has been an insane year, things i thought would never happen  did, its insane just insane lol

2007 is gonna be a good year, it better be at least lol

Happy New Year <3

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crazzzzzzzzy [Dec. 20th, 2006|04:33 am]
<table width=350 align=center border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2><tr><td align=center><font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" style='font-size: 14pt;'><strong>Your Five Factor Personality Profile</strong></font></td></tr><tr><td><center><img src="http://images.blogthings.com/thefivefactorpersonalitytest/personality.jpg" height="100" width="100"></center>
Extroversion:<br />
<br />
You have medium extroversion.<br />
You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party.<br />
Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences.<br />
But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time."<br />
<br />
Conscientiousness:<br />
<br />
You have high conscientiousness.<br />
Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life.<br />
Most things in your life are organized and planned well.<br />
But you borderline on being a total perfectionist.<br />
<br />
Agreeableness:<br />
<br />
You have medium agreeableness.<br />
You're generally a friendly and trusting person.<br />
But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.<br />
You get along well with others, as long as they play fair.<br />
<br />
Neuroticism:<br />
<br />
You have high neuroticism.<br />
It's easy for you to feel shaken, worried, or depressed.<br />
You often worry, and your worries prevent you from living life fully.<br />
You tend to be emotionally reactive and moody. Your either flying very high or feeling very low.<br />
<br />
Openness to experience:<br />
<br />
Your openness to new experiences is medium.<br />
You are generally broad minded when it come to new things.<br />
But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it.<br />
You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.
</td></tr></table><div align="center"><a href="http://www.blogthings.com/thefivefactorpersonalitytest/">The Five Factor Personality Test</a></div>
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updating twice in a month lol [Nov. 14th, 2006|04:44 pm]
[mood |curiouscurious]

so whats new?? hmm

well starting last sunday, i'm offically store manager at hallmark, thats just insane, i really can't believe it lol but its good i guess lol

i donno, ever since like last wednesdayish i've been feelin kinda blah, n' i dont like feeling blah lol.. i donno i guess i dont like being led on to believe sometime that is completely untrue, or to believe that some is gonna happen when it's not. this is why i dont get myself into these situtations kids.

but whatever, it is what it is.

thats all i'm gonna go power nap it b4 work!

peaceo ut
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(no subject) [Nov. 4th, 2006|03:35 am]
[mood |okayokay]

so whats newwwwwwww you ask?

alot is new actually..

i have a lot of stuff on my plate right now, n' i'm not likin it too much lol... but for the 1st time in a LONG LONG LONG LONG time, today i didn't feel stressed at all.. i think maybe i hit my point of stress n' i've leveled off lol.. that'd be sweet if i could just roll with the flow from now on.. that would be sweet indeed lol

so the events over the past few weeks have been... well interesting... things i thought would never happen did... and i donno some times i'm really happy about, but others i could have lived with out lol

and the confusion factor of my life is unbelievable as well.. i get one thing perfectly sloved and it makes complete sense, then i get another 12 things thrown my way, and it's just not fair lol

so i'm gonna be 20 in a few weeks.. good lord... i donno where the time went, i know i sound old, and i feel old, but i donno i'm just really scared about what the future has in store for me.. i think it'll be good, because i'm driven n' motivated and have achieved alot already, and i turly believe after i leave hallmark i'll have such a thick skin to deal with people..

today was the 1st time in almost 6 months i came close to crying, lol i know that sounds retarted, but i just want to cry, i feel if i let it all out i'll feel better lol

well like usual this was A LOT longer than i thought it would be :)

have a great night


...you always want what you can't have....
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